<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>How To Befriend A Ghost ( a guide by Wilbur Soot ) by Bang_Pop</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232967">How To Befriend A Ghost ( a guide by Wilbur Soot )</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bang_Pop/pseuds/Bang_Pop'>Bang_Pop</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schlattbur - Fandom, jschlatt x wilbur - Fandom, jschlatt/wilbur, mcyt, mcyt ship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, ghost schlatt/wilbur soot, please don’t read if you do not like it, schlattbur - Freeform, sfw</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:35:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28232967</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bang_Pop/pseuds/Bang_Pop</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A guide by Wilbur Soot, featuring deceased president Schlatt.</p><p>Blowing up a country isn't easy, neither is faking your death afterwards. It especially becomes a hard task when a ghost with a superiority complex decides to haunt you. Befriending said ghost is perhaps the hardest task</p><p>So here's how Wilbur Soot did it on accident.</p><p> </p><p>( This story may feature shipping of Wilbur and Schlatt's characters in the smp. If you do not want to read that, please move along. )</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jschlatt/Wilbur Soot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>325</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wilbur sucked in a breath, finally allowing himself to rest as he slid down against a tree. After taking time to bask in the near orgasmic feeling of blowing up " Manburg " he'd ran.</p><p>Now he was sitting by a small lake surrounded by a circle of trees, far far off from the remains of the country he had founded. It was a nice clearing and he was grateful that there was some sort of water source near him. After all, Soot wasn't the most athletic person and the running had taken a lot out of him. Even now, all he could hear was his heavy gasps for air and his heart beating.</p><p>Closing his eyes, the brit relaxed. It'd been a while since he'd genuinely been at peace. With the warm weather and his breathing finally calming he almost dozed off only to snap back to attention when he was splashed with water droplets.</p><p>He slowly stood up, more crouching if he was honest, before looking around. For a second he almost though he imagined it but was proven false when a voice spoke dangerously close to his ear.</p><p>" Hi. "</p><p>Wilbur jumped back, letting out a surprised yell and falling onto his back. Temporarily stunned, Soot just stared into the sky, only to be shadowed by a semi translucent figure.</p><p>" What the fuck. " Wilbur muttered, rubbing his eyes. He may have been crazy but seeing things? That's a bit too far even for him</p><p>" Yeah I'm wondering that too, dickhead. Now sit up you look stupid. " A familiar New York accent said, kneeling in front of him</p><p>Wilbur sat up and blinked, rubbing his eyes once more. Nope. Still there.</p><p>" What you have a fucking concussion or something? "</p><p>Wilbur snapped out of his daze and finally said, " Schlatt? "</p><p>" The one and only. " the newly deceased president said dryly.</p><p>Wilbur went to go poke him only for his hand to pass through. Slowly they met eye contact and Wilbur let out a shriek which caused Jschlatt to scream back. After all, even as a ghost he had to assert his dominance.</p><p>" WHAT THE HELL SCHLATT! " Wilbur shouted, his accent showing more then usual.</p><p>" GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY CHEST WILBUR! "</p><p>Wilbur yanked his now cold hand back and backed away from the horned man.</p><p>" Are you a fucking ghost? " Wilbur asked, rubbing his hand in an effort to warm it up.</p><p>" I don't know! I guess? Look I'm not thrilled about this either. " Schlatt said, stumbling over his words as he rushed them out.</p><p>It was quiet. Both of them appearing to be waiting on the other to speak first.</p><p>Wilbur took in a few deep breaths and stopped to collect his thoughts before saying, " So why are you following- well I guess haunting, me? "</p><p>" Who was I supposed to haunt? Quackity? He'd probably just insult me the whole time. Not to mention, you're the only one who's been able to actually see me. " Schlatt said, breaking eye contact and picking at the blue sweater he now wore.</p><p>Wilbur hummed and looked the man up and down, Schlatt had died in a dirty suit but his spirit wore a blue sweater with cuffed jeans. He snickers and said, " Didn't take you for a turtleneck kinda guy. "</p><p>" Fuck off, it's not like I chose this. " Schlatt said, almost seeming flustered.</p><p>Wilbur chose to ignore that and said, " Any theory's as to why only I can see you? "</p><p>" I dunno. We have a lot of history, I thought about you damn near everyday. " Schlatt said, not stopping to question if that sounded weird.</p><p>" What you have a crush on me or something? " Wilbur let a toothy grin cross his face. Despite them being enemy's he had missed the playful banter they used to have.</p><p>" Psh- No you're taking this the wrong way, I mean that in you were one stressful bastard. Honestly would it have been that hard to just accept defeat? " Schlatt said, plopping down across from Wilbur.</p><p>" Well can you like, fuck off. I'm trying to sleep. " Wilbur pushed himself onto his back and stared up at the sky.</p><p>Schlatt scoffed but for now, decided to let the ex president rest. After all Schlatt's still figuring out this whole ghost thing, he mused to himself before walking off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Schlatt terrifies Wilbur, They then argue for a good hour or so and find out why Schlatt is tied to Wilbur.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Schlatt sighed, hovering over a sleeping Wilbur and debating if he should be nice about waking him up. Finally he decided not to be nice whatsoever considering this man had basically been the death of him.</p><p>Leaning down, Schlatt paused and reconsidered his choices before taking in a deep breath and screaming. Very loudly. And high pitched. It was kinda terrifying.</p><p>Wilbur jumped to alert, his beanie falling off as he looked around with wide frantic eyes and Schlatt swore he could almost hear how fast the other mans heart beat was going.</p><p>Wilburs brown eyes finally met his and Schlatt said, “ Morning, did you sleep well? “ contrary to his statement it was actually night and only a few hours had passed since the last visit. He got bored very easily with no alcohol to drink or a Vice President to tease.</p><p>Wilbur just grumbled and said, “ Fuck you. I just blew up the entire bloody server and you fucking- you’re such a dick. “</p><p>“ Awwww, are you angry Wilbur? Poor grumpy baby didn’t get enough nap time? “</p><p>Wilbur took in several breaths to calm himself before grabbing his beanie and putting it back on. Deciding to ignore the spirit, Wilbur sat near the lake. It looked almost enchanting with the moon light reflecting off of it, it’d almost be romantic when Schlatt sat next to him if it weren’t for the fact that it was his archenemy.</p><p>“ Oh come on, don’t ignore me “ Schlatt whined, stopping his ghostly floating to walk over to the very pissed off Wilbur Soot.</p><p>“ Sorry I think I may have gone deaf. “ Wilbur said dryly, picking at his chipped black nail polish.</p><p>“ You’re so dramatic. I wasn’t even that loud. “ The ghost said, standing just out of Wilburs view.</p><p>The ex revolutionist scoffed before poking around in his pockets in an effort to keep his attention away from the former President.</p><p>His fingers came in contact with a cool metal object. It was round and the edges were almost coin like.</p><p>Pulling it out, he flipped it around in his palm so it wasn’t upside down. It was golden with a large and terribly familiar S.</p><p>A schlatt coin. Not just any, but the very one Schlatt had carried around till his unfortunate death. Wilbur had forgotten he’d grabbed it, it was almost like a reward to himself considering no one else had known. Wilbur knew though. He knew every time Schlatt had reached inside his pocket during a speech and rubbed his power hungry fingers against it.</p><p>Speaking of Schlatt, the boy had finally taken notice of Wilburs long focused silence and let out a suprised gasp when he saw what Wilbur held.</p><p>“ Is that my fucking Schlatt coin? “ The half boy exclaimed, going to snatch it from Wilburs palms only for the brunettes fingerless gloves to wrap around it and snatch it away from him.</p><p>“ I forgot I even had this. “ Wilbur mumbled, turning it over in his hand again as he examined it.</p><p>“ Is this why I’m stuck with you and your stupid British ass? Because you took my fucking coin? “ Schlatt shouted, his annoyance clear in the overly exaggerated tone he had.</p><p>“ I don’t know! Maybe? “ Wilbur shouted back.</p><p>“ God Soot, why do you have to be such an annoying prick! “ Schlatt said, burying his face in his hands and questioning how he’d gone from all powerful to whining like a first grader.</p><p>“ Well would you rather me have left it on your corpse? “ Wilbur said, starting to get ticked off by Schlatts behavior.</p><p>“ I dunno, maybe? “ he said, copying Wilbur’s response from earlier.</p><p>“ Here let me just throw it in the lake then! “ Wilbur exclaimed before turning towards the lake which had began to lap at the shore when the wind picked up.</p><p>“ Wait no- Schlatt coins arent made for the water! It’s so fucking boring without anyone to talk to! “ Schlatt shouted, he wasn’t a begging man but for fucks sake.</p><p>Wilbur just mumbled a quiet “ that’s what I thought “ before sitting back down and shoving the damned coin back in his pocket.</p><p>Schlatt relucantly sat next to him, and soon their anger fizzled out into a reluctant calm while they stared off, both thinking of the other for different reasons.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I rushed on this, so apologies if this isn’t exactly what you wanted.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I hope you’re all grateful for this. I cringed at myself the whole time. Thank you to my friend Tiff who helped me get through this chapter.</p>
<p>Wilbur builds a house and is met with a surprise. Schlatt simps over Wilbur sitting on a crafting table and eating an apple.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wilbur sighed, wiping sweat from his forehead and grimacing. He’d hard at work for the past four hour and his efforts showed with the rather nice wooden shack he’d built.</p>
<p>It was nothing special, but it was rather nice in his opinion. It had cobblestone floors and spruce wood for his roof and framing the edges of his house which was mostly oak wood.</p>
<p>He hadn’t seen Schlatt since their fight last night and if he were honest, he’d been rather lonely without someone there with him. He was used to having Tommy at his side and now it was almost lonely without any annoying children or angry ghost.</p>
<p>He had taken the trench coat off a while ago and let out a surprised gasp when freezing water suddenly splashed on his back which was only covered in a white button up shirt.</p>
<p>“ What the fuck! “ Wilbur said, his voice heightening as he took in just how cold this water was. He was hot and the water defiantly helped him feel alot cooler after being out in the blazing sun all day but the sudden temperature change was unpleasant.</p>
<p>Wilbur looked back at Schlatt who was holding a bucket and snickering. Ice was on the ground along with water.</p>
<p>“ You dick. “ Wilbur said with a whiny tone, “ I have nothing to change into! “</p>
<p>“ Have fun being wet, loser. “ Schlatt said, breaking out into laughter soon after.</p>
<p>Wilbur rolled his eyes and reached back and began twisting the water out of the back of his shirt. There wasn’t much he could do, and he really didn’t want to be shirtless in front of Schlatt.</p>
<p>“ Nice house, where’s my bed? “ Schlatt said, not bothering to wait for Wilburs answer before collapsing onto the brits bed.</p>
<p>“ You don’t get a bed. It’s WILBURS house not Wilbur AND Schlatt’s house. “ Wilbur said, making the “ Wilbur “ and “ And “ obnoxious.</p>
<p>“ Wilbur that’s mean! You know how long it’s been since I’ve slept? A week Wilbur! I’ve been dead for a week now. “</p>
<p>Wilbur scoffed and sat on the crafting table before speaking, “ Do you even need to sleep? I mean I don’t know how being a ghost works but- “</p>
<p>“ Well- no. But it’s still something I should be able to do. I mean I’m already dead, they can’t take away sleeping am I right? “</p>
<p>“ Wilbur shrugged and pulled out an apple, leaning back on the crafting table and taking a bite. From the apple, not the crafting table. It’d be rather odd if he ate the crafting table, he thought.</p>
<p>While Wilbur pondered about eating crafting tables, Schlatt was looking at Wilbur and questioning why he looked like that.</p>
<p>Maybe it was the loosely buttoned shirt and rolled sleeves. Perhaps it was the way Wilbur positioned himself on the crafting table, leaned slightly back with his legs spread. Or maybe Schlatt had a weird thing for people eating apples.</p>
<p>“ Schlatt what do I taste like crafting tables? “</p>
<p>Schlatt snapped out of his thoughts and said, “ Huh? “</p>
<p>Wilbur sighed and repeated himself, “ I said, what do you think crafting tables taste like? “</p>
<p>“ Like- like wood Wilbur. They’re made out of wood. Did that apple have something in it? “ Schlatt responded slowly, fully judging Wilbur.</p>
<p>Wilbur just hummed and turned the apple’s core around in his hand, before tossing it out the open door that neither of them had bothered to close.</p>
<p>Schlatt swallowed roughly, clearing his throat and feeling his face heat up as his eyes traced over Wilbur once more and said, “ Pick up the apple, we don’t live in a fucking barn Wil. “</p>
<p>“ Nicknames? Have we reached that level Schlatt? “ Wilbur teased and Schlatt fumbled for a response and instead went outside and picked it up himself.</p>
<p>He paused and examined the apple remains and then without hesitation, turned and chucked the apple at Wilbur who let out a shriek and stumbled to dodge it only to fall onto the floor.</p>
<p>“ Ow fuck! Schlatt!. “ Wilbur grasped his shoulder and looked up and met Schlatt with betrayed eyes.</p>
<p>Schlatt felt bad. He wasn’t sure why he did that, he thought it’d be a good subject changer. Turns out throwing an apple at your friend/enemy is not an appropriate response though</p>
<p>Schlatt wanted to apologize and he really tried but instead he said, “ Ha. Weakling. “</p>
<p>Wilbur glared at him and grabbed the apple, tossing it at Schlatt who gasped when it hit him straight in the face and actually hurt.</p>
<p>“ What the hell? “ Schlatt mumbled, bringing his hand up to his nose and letting out a gasp when there was blood.</p>
<p>“ You gave me a nose bleed Wilbur! I’m dead, that isn’t supposed to be a thing you can do! Is this even blood? “ Schlatt said, his panicked speech becoming rambles.</p>
<p>Wilbur scrambled up and walked over, taking in a deep breath and hesitating before reaching out and-</p>
<p>he set his hand on Schlatt’s shoulder.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had to put on 505 and Daddy Issues to finish writing the crafting table scene. Anyways yay! They can touch now :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Schlatt froze, looking down at the hand laying on his shoulder.</p><p>“ What the actual fuck Wil. “ Schlatt whispered, confused and acting as if raising his voice would break whatever force had allowed this.</p><p>“ I don’t understand. “ Wilbur said, gripping Schlatts shoulder tighter to make sure it wasn’t some odd dream.</p><p>Schlatt’s skin had shifted shades as well, losing some of the grey and becoming more normal if you looked closer.</p><p>Schlatt swallowed, going to pick at the neck of his sweater as Wilbur searched his eyes. It felt as if he was looking at Schlatts very soul, which he probably was. I mean with the whole dead thing, it wouldn’t be the oddest thing to happen to him.</p><p>“ Quit looking at me like that. “ Schlatt said, shrugging off Wilburs hand and backing away, breaking eye contact.</p><p>“ What? Schlatt we literally just found out I can touch ghosts. This is like the coolest thing to ever happen to me. “ Wilbur laughed and let out a sigh as he looked at Schlatt with the same stupid dopey smile.</p><p>" You shouldn't be able to though. " Schlatt mumbled, poking his chest hesitantly.</p><p>Wilbur snorted and said “ You died like two days ago, how do you know what’s supposed to and not supposed to happen. “</p><p>Schlatt let out an offended sound and said, “ Two days? It’s been a week Wilbur! “</p><p>Wilbur just shrugged, uncaring and then reached out and flicked Schlatts forehead.</p><p>“ Whatever. At least I can annoy you physically and mentally now. “</p><p>“ Bitch. “ Schlatt said, flicking his tail and walking inside.</p><p>“ Like you can talk. “ Wilbur mumbled, a small grin appearing on his face before he walked inside.</p><p>.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p>“ Why do you keep following me? “ Schlatt said from Wilburs bed, an arm tossed over his eyes and his body was sprawled out in the most uncomfortable relaxed position Wilbur had ever seen.</p><p>“ You’re in my bed. “ Wilbur said flatly.</p><p>“ Are you in my twitch chat? “ Schlatt questioned, and then chuckling afterwards.</p><p>“ That’s not the lyrics. “ Wilbur said, sighing and then sitting at the edge of the bed.</p><p>“ Close enough. “ Schlatt replied, shrugging before sitting up.</p><p>“ Wilbur I know you’re all for that lovey dovey cuddling shit but- “</p><p>Schlatt was cut off by the sudden shove he received as he tumbled off the bed.</p><p>“ Wilbur you whore! “ Schlatt shouted, rubbing the back of the head despite barely feeling his fall.</p><p>“ Please I barely pushed you. “ Wilbur scoffed:</p><p>“ Still! “ Schlatt said, dragging himself back up and going to shove Wilbur.</p><p>their spat eventually ended when schlatt got his legs tangled in the sheets.</p><p>Wilbur paused his heavy breathing and began laughing at Schlatt.</p><p>“ You ff- fucking dumb ass. “ Wilbur said, having to stop to take breathes between his sentences.</p><p>“ Shut the fuck up! “ Schlatt grumbled still trying to get out of the covers.</p><p>“ I quite like you tangled in my sheets Schlatt. “ Wilbur said, his sentence ending with a purr before he cackled.</p><p>“ Wilbur you wish- SHIT! “ Schlatt shouted, jumping back in surprise only to fall off the bed.</p><p>Schlatt felt very stupid, tangled in a stupid blanket and a blush appearing on his face from words his friend (?) didn’t even mean.</p><p>“ Do you need help Schlatt? “ Wilbur said, muffling giggles with his hand.</p><p>.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p>“ Yes. “</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! This is just to excuse my lack of updating, I probably won’t have much of a schedule but at the most I’ll try to update at least once every two weeks due to school.</p><p>Edit ( Jan 13th ) - somethinf just happened. I’m sad and might be uninspired for a bit.</p><p>Also somebody on Instagram found this fanfic and made a negative post about it, if you could report it for harassment I’d appreciate it. The account is lovebathtub</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is offtopic but this kid just hopped out a car while we were at a stop light and got on the bus??</p><p>Anyways there’s only one bed hehehdhhe</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“ How the fuck did you even manage that Schlatt? “ Wilbur asked, after freeing Schlatt from the blanket.</p><p>“ I am a man of many talents. “ Schlatt said sarcastically, glaring at Wilbur.<br/>
“ Mhm. “ Wilbur said, still laughing.</p><p>Schlatt huffed and got up, before hearing a near by zombie groan. He wasn’t worried about the zombie, since if you’ve forgot he is, in fact, DEAD. It was more he didn’t feel like going out into the dark. Schlatt turned around and Wilbur had already set up some torches and thrown himself onto the bed, not too worried since they were safely tucked away in the house.</p><p>Schlatt huffed. “ I’d prefer the bed, you selfish fuck. “</p><p>“ You’re a ghost, you don’t need it. “ Wilbur mumbled, throwing a blanket over his head as a personal “ fuck you “ to Schlatt.</p><p>“ I’m dead, show a little respect. At least I didn’t blow up my own country! “ Schlatt hissed, sitting on a nearby chest while glaring at Wilbur.</p><p>Wilbur sat up, his hair frizzy from the blankets, and said, “ Schlatt please, that was the adrenaline rush of a lifetime. You oughta be jealous. “</p><p>“ Adrenaline junkie. “ Schlatt replied, still brooding at the loss of the bed before saying, “ besides, I died of a heart attack. That quite literally WAS the rush of a lifetime. “</p><p>There was silence and awkward staring before Wilbur snorted.</p><p>“ That’s awful, oh god- “</p><p>“ Not god Wilbur, just me. Although I appreciate the mix up. “ he said, winking at the British boy before laughing.</p><p>“ Narcissistic much? “ Wilbur replied dryly.</p><p>“ With good reason, Mr. Soot. “ Schlatt said, leaning forward with a cheeky grin.</p><p>Wilbur rolled his eyes before reluctantly scooting over, “ Whatever. Look let’s just- share the bed. “</p><p>Schlatt opened his mouth to reply before Wilbur interrupted, “ DON’T make it weird. “</p><p>“ I wasn’t going to- “</p><p>“ You were. “</p><p>“ Okay maybe but to be fair, it’s a little gay. “</p><p>“ Just shut up Schlatt. “ Wilbur said, rolling over on the bed and ignoring the embarrassment causing his cheeks to heat up.</p><p>Schlatt paused for a minute, before awkwardly sitting on the bed and finally fully laying on it, his posture was rigid and he was laying perfectly still, as if any movement would ruin the night altogether.</p><p>Wilbur sighed loudly and said, “ Schlatt you can get comfortable. Preferably, avoid spooning me. “</p><p>“ Shut up, Soot. “ Schlatt said, feeling his face warm up as he finally found a comfortable position, facing away from the man who was close enough that their backs touched due to the limited space on the bed.</p><p>A few minutes passed before Schlatt let out a small exhale, hearing Wilburs breath slow down and finally allowing himself to sleep as well. If the dead even can sleep, he thought bitterly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You guys have been begging me for it, so BOOM chapter five. Hopefully you guys liked it, if you didn’t, oh well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>